| Sometimes I'll take my huffin' rag out behind the dumpsters |
[Jan. 9th, 2009|03:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nurse With Wound - Huffin' Rag Blues | ] |
I've been lurking around livejournal reading posts of people I never run into outside of the internet world save for a couple occasions, never really feeling the need to post about myself. Which is still the case, but I thought I'd check in today to say hi.
This is most likely because I've been painting and it is not quite happening as I'd envisioned, so I am getting out a new canvas. This always means that I spend a good amount of time checking every website I've ever enjoyed, or not, writing to people I haven't talked to in a long time and any stupid little task I've been putting off. I'm procrastinating like a madwoman. I suspect this is because I paint with my emotions more often than not and I am avoiding doing just that, though I know the process will be enriching in itself.
I'm starting to get excited about going back to school this semester, especially art classes. It will force me to finish what I start, or to start at all.
All in all I'm feeling creative, and when I feel creative I feel alive despite any moods I am experiencing. I hope to have something to show for it this time 'round.
Now if I can just get my eyes away from the damned computer screen... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|02:22 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Those Poor Bastards - The Plague | ] |
Anyone know any good tattoo artists who might want to share a bit o' wisdom with another aspiring tattoo artist? The only ones I know are super busy, and I am a bit shy when it comes to meeting new people.
I wish my dad could've taught me before he died, it would have been a good start, but I have to start somewhere. I already know some volunteer guinea pigs, yay! |
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| hooray! |
[Jul. 8th, 2008|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | and one - enjoy the unknown | ] |
I'm going to see Nick Cave August 20th!
Hopefully by then he'll have shaved this thing off...
Yuck. And he wonders why he's got the "no pussy blues".
Alas, I'm a fan either way. |
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| update? |
[Jan. 8th, 2008|11:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | PJ Harvey - Long Snake Moan | ] |
Yeah, I'm still here kinda.
Not much to tell because it seems every time I have a good idea of what's going on with me, it up and changes. Just all those ch changes that ol' Bowie wrote about as well as some other people.
I have some music stuff going on, but nothing solid enough to really speak of yet.
I'm also not working, for a while.
Definitely going back to school once again in the fairly near future. I'm going back into art/graphics/whatever as I seem to be pretty good when I give a crap. And I do!
Right now I'm pretty fantastic, no joke. |
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| I never post these things, but I couldn't resist |
[Sep. 26th, 2007|01:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nicky Cavers | ] |
Daevid: how are you feeling?
Me: a little better today, i was able to actually get some sleep
Me: i still can't seem to shake this loneliness.
Daevid: I wish we [lived] closer
Daevid: we could hang out and I could watch you smoke pot and play video games |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|08:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | echo and the bunnymen - silver | ] |
i need a hug |
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| I hear ya Mr. Cave |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|03:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Grinderman - No Pussy Blues | ] |
I am starting a new band soon. Didn't realize how much I had missed it.
Only this time, I'll be singing!
I have lyrics (and hopefully limericks) to write!
...in other news, I've been feeling very vile and raunchy lately and I gotta say it's pretty awesome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|09:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
So, sometimes I fucking hate poetic justice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mark Lanegan - Bubblegum | ] |
I have no significant creative outlet anymore and it's very draining on my psyche. |
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| Hooray for everything! |
[Aug. 20th, 2007|04:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nick Cave - Empty Little Boat | ] |
Started my new jorb today and I came away very excited (as the bouncing kitty indicates).
This is a fresh shop, everything here is fresh; I will do well here. |
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| Damn I'm smooth |
[Aug. 15th, 2007|06:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | David Bowie - Station to Station | ] |
I GOT A JOB AT A CAT HOSPITAL!!!
I start Monday. I am so beside myself with happiness. I saw something going horribly wrong with my life and I fucking fixed it within a couple days! It's so unlike me to give myself praise, but damn it feels good.
At the risk of sounding cheesy, I really want to thank those of you who left such sweet and supportive messages or listened to me cry, rant, scream, etc.
I think I am really going to get along with these people, especially the doctor who is extremely knowledgeable and very compassionate.
I win.
 |
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| Turn and face the strange |
[Aug. 14th, 2007|05:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Clinic - Visitations | ] |
I have screwed up big time and I HATE my new job. The doctor belittles me over everything I do wrong and, while this is not a great way to teach someone new, I thought perhaps it was one of those things that I would get past once I am trained and not thrown into the wolves. This I thought, until yesterday I heard her doing the same thing to a girl who has been working there for a couple years at least. I believe the words included "you know better than this".
I've decided I won't be talked to that way as I'm not learning-deficient, wasn't born yesterday, and frankly, not a fucking idiot. Oh and I've developed this crazy sense of self-worth over the past few years.
If I'm going to be driving home from work in pools of my own tears, it should be over an animal-related issue and not because my boss belittled me so badly that I felt like I was 16 all over again.
I perused craigslist this morning and turned in a resume for a clinic here in town. Not a couple hours later I got a call back and I'm going in for an interview tomorrow. Hopefully all works out and I will not be returning to Dr. Cuntface. Yeah, I said it. |
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| fuzzy britches |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|06:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | david bowie | ] |
Today was my last day with the SPCA, now on to a veterinary clinic a little closer to home. Parting was very bittersweet.
I wish I could take a break in between jobs, but I'm po'.
This is what I'll miss most:
(no cuts, bahahaha!)
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| What the hell? |
[Jun. 22nd, 2007|11:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | depeche mode - nothing | ] |
I'm in a good mood.
I'm getting out of the house today! |
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| I will miss them too |
[May. 26th, 2007|01:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Echo and the Bunnymen - Ocean Rain | ] |
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|
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| hooray for new drugs |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Morrissey | ] |
I've been on medical disability leave from work for about a week (is that all?) now and will be until May 7th probably.
I am BORED! I am torn between wanting company and not wanting people to see me all crazy-like. I feel like Jesus ran me over with a steamroller, but on the other hand my mood has been lifted a little. Maybe someone should just come over and play video games with me. |
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| Might as well face it, you're addicted to Robert Palmer |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|03:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry, apparently | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Good Night Knight | ] |
Man, I hate writing stuff in here that reveals anything "personal" (not like I haven't done it before) because for some stupid reason I have this pride saying, "don't do it Kelley, nobody cares and you won't be as mysterious" (my mind is a jackass, by the way). Today I say fuck it. Why am I always worried about how I am perceived by others?
For quite some time now I have taken pride in the fact that, despite coming from a background of many forms of addictions, I have managed to pull through without any of these and have broken the mold once again by not being a statistic. However, I have come to realize recently that some statistics are just true and I am naive to think that I am above all of them.
Congratulations, Kelley, you have found your addiction...anger!!! [and the light blinks: applause...applause...applause]
Though I don't walk around everyday red-faced, fists clenched, it has manifested in so many ways and now I rely on it as part of my identity. I have even managed to find many other junkies to talk to and hang out with on a constant basis (it's ok though, I still love you guys anyway).
I've been looking for every external way possible to treat all the symptoms, but now I have to deal with the root. This will not be fun, but it will certainly be interesting. I sure as hell will not be going to any group meetings, however.
p.s. I never said any of this. :) |
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| I'm working on being the drunken bard at the table |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
I'm one of those people who lives up to the "Jack of all trades, master of none" colloquialism.
In some respects, it is pretty great. It makes me fairly useful in many situations, and I'm able to pick up new things at a quicker-than-average rate. I've had quite the eclectic, though not always interesting, array of jobs in the past and it works well for me because I love to soak up information and experience. It also keeps me from getting too bored. So why would this be at all a bad thing?
I have some very strong skills in some fields, but in no way am I a "master" of anything. That, combined with a lingering low self-esteem, is keeping me from advancing any further in anything.
Basically, I don't know what to do with myself. It is keeping me up at night at times.
I need to find something that I can be good at, but will for the most part be able to leave it at work when I am done. |
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dim_star's journal
anxious
